Yea...since form 4 i met her, i'm crush on her .
I still holding on.
I still holding on.Lots of people asking me: "Does she beautiful? I have no idea why you'll crush on such girl like her..."
"Maybe...she is special?..maybe because she is the only one treat me like that...I don't know..." I replied.
When i know she is falling in love with another guy, of course, it does a big impact to me
. It causes me sobbing, sighing, emotional all the time or even try to ends my life when i'm alone.
. It causes me sobbing, sighing, emotional all the time or even try to ends my life when i'm alone.She's always on my mind, from the time I wake up until I close my eyes. That's why i cannot sleep well during the night time. She's everywhere I go, she's the only one I know. Although she is so far away, it just keeps getting stronger everyday. And even now she will go, but I'm still holding on. Why? Because i realize she is the only one who can takes away my heart. It's breaking my heart but I still don't wanna let her go. How stupid am I...
Sometimes, I have a thought like this:
This is so wrong, I can't let go until you believe that, that should be me. This so sad, that should be me holding your hand, making you laugh, feeling your touch and buying you gifts or even give you protection. Now if you're trying to break my heart, I can tell you that it's working. You keep telling me that you only treat me like a friend by sending that kind of sms to me. I know because this is very obvious.
Everybody is laughing at me...saying me stupid and stubborn. Rumors is spreading about this other guy. He is so lucky... I need to know should I fight for love or disarm. It's getting harder to shield. This pain is deep in my heart. Sometimes I think I can go through all these pain by taking a bullet straight through my brain, but there is no bullet around me...
My friends keep telling or even scolding me that if I really love her, I have gotta set her free.
Yeap, they are right. But for me it is really hard to let go, I really cannot put it down...I suffer, I suffocate...I know she's never there..but why I still need to live in despair? Why does it hurt me so? Only God knows..
To: Alpha(unknown)
Don't worry too much, because I not that kind of man that want to grab something no matter what. I just worry that you will get hurt, feeling sad or even bully by bad men. I just don't wanna you get hurt. I want you happy. I don't want you give up your life and torture yourself using many kinds of way. I hope I still have the chance to attend your wedding, but...
Don't worry about me, because this is what i deserve. I wish you live happily and I hope you will find a guy that really cares about you, protecting you and gives you a wonderful life. I will let you go, because I really want you happy and 
. Maybe I need another years to recover, build up my heart and close the wound again.
. Maybe I need another years to recover, build up my heart and close the wound again.You know, I will be fine...
All the best to you .....my friend.
